By Michael Diamond-Hunter
We are now in (what I consider to be weather-wise) winter here in the UK. While it’s been cold, my family back in California told me that it was definitely warm for Thanksgiving (they tried to tell me in a way that wouldn’t make me jealous). To be honest, I’m actually perfectly good with cold weather, as long as I am able to dress for it. Here, there’s rarely any snow in November (or in December). London is known for having it’s own micro-climate, and the only times that it has snowed here (since I remember) has come in either January or early February. It never really sticks for longer than a few days, but it is fun to be in (if you don’t have to drive a car nor plough a driveway). What I do like about this time of year is that it feels like things are starting to slow down a bit. Less commotion outside, things are quieter in the mornings on the way to work, and there seems to be a general stillness in the air. While things are decelerating outside, on the inside, things are picking up for me.
Contra to how I see the world as the month rolls into December, there’s a LOT of action and activity going on for me. First up is work; at the university we’re about 2 weeks past the halfway point of the term. That means that I’ve got a rhythm established, including a writing schedule, teaching, office hours, grading, and administrative stuff. After everything that’s happened this summer, having some structure like this has been welcome. Outside of work, I have been increasing my physical activity. I’m back to doing yoga 3-4 times a week, and I joined a gym as a way to provide myself with a physical place to do the workouts that I need to get to where I want to me. After almost 19 months (and counting) since my last official game, I have been trying to ramp things up in a responsible manner. The goal for me is to have no injuries, and to improve on a consistent basis from when I start doing games again until the end of the season. That start, given that everything stays either as it is (or hopefully improves) will be the first or second week of January. My process has been deliberate, and with good reason: accomplishing goals takes a whole lot of effort and planning.
With respect to planning, I had the pleasure of recently giving a talk for a referee zoom call on just that thing – making plans. For a number of you all back in the US, High School season is just around the corner (or has officially started by the time you read this). NCAA season is still pretty fresh and new, and no matter where you are in your season, it’s never an issue to either formulate or revisit the plans that you made for yourself before the start of the season. This is something that I usually would do at the end of the previous season and revisit throughout the off-season. Hopefully you all have made concrete plans that are specific enough for you to work on throughout the year. No matter how good your plans may be, and how many contingencies you may account for, there are always things that (to use a UK colloquialism) throw a spanner in the works. One thing that I find helpful to remember when things doing always go my way is that while your plans are important, resilience and grit are skills that we can all work on, and which can be more important than the plans themselves. Being able to get back up when you have fallen down is an underrated aspect of growth as referees and as people.
While planning has been in my orbit recently, I have also been active with my mental preparation for January. I’ve been feeling well enough (emotionally speaking) to break down film again, and to devote increased amounts of time and energy to my referee development. This has only been the case because of the time I have given to myself to grieve the loss of my twins. What has really helped me in this regard is a monthly meeting of bereaved parents that is run by a local charity here in the UK. On one hand, it is nice to see these other people who are able to understand the general contours of what I might be feeling without having to say a word. On the other hand, it would have been even better to meet them in completely different circumstances – circumstances where their children would still be alive to this day. There has been space to be angry, crestfallen, dejected, remorseful, anxious, and all of the other ways that grief over the loss of one’s children manifest. Without giving myself time to do this, there would be no way that I could be in the frame of mind to pick up my refereeing again in a matter of weeks. The things I have been doing off the court regarding my personal life have given me the ability to start making inroads on doing the things that I’d like to do on the court.
While this may be a tad tardy, it is really important for me to continue to let those who have been in my life and have helped me to know how much I value their friendship, love, and support. Thanksgiving, at least under my interpretation of it, is a time to pause and let those in your life know that you appreciate them and are grateful for what they have done to continue to be in your corner. I take this to be a broad interpretation: these people could be friendly co-workers, friends, college roommates, mentors, family, or all of the above. I want to make sure that all of you who are giving me your time and energy by reading my dispatches know that I am appreciative, and please make sure that you tell those whom you love and care for that you appreciate them. As I know all too well, the window for us to articulate and convey our true feelings towards those we love may be far shorter than we imagine. What better time to do so than today? It is in this spirit that I wish you and yours a Happy Belated Thanksgiving, and I eagerly anticipate the next update – which brings me closer to my first game in January.
Michael Diamond-Hunter is a freelance writer based in London. He teaches at The London School of Economics and Political Science and has been refereeing in the UK for 4 seasons.
