It feels like social media picks and chooses when it wants to be in its spirituality bag. It’s hard to find those who aren’t doing things for the views or likes but simply projecting all of the positive energy they could conjure up. It’s hard to be positive all of the time, and it’s impossible. And when it’s that hard, it’s even harder to share the positivity with such a constant air of negativity. But today, on this gloomy, rainy day, I’m only allowing positive thoughts to take space in my mind. I am only granting access to energies that promote growth. I will dive headfirst into my work and hope that it touches others.
On one of the many spiritual-based posts on Instagram, I read ‘that today, I should reflect on the choices I’ve made in my past and trust that they’ve led me to where I am now.’ My decisions allowed me to be in the space I am in today. Something I have the most challenging time accepting, despite being nothing but the truth in it, is that “I’ve made the best decision with the resources I’ve been given.” I always wish I had done better. That’s nothing but regret speaking. When the clock struck midnight on New Year’s Day, I made my resolution to be intentional. When you’re intentional, you have fewer regrets. Fewer moments do you look back on and ponder why that was the direction you decided to go in.
I made my resolution to be intentional. When you’re intentional, you have fewer regrets.
While digging deeper into the significance of this date, there are so many contradictory statements. It can feel like a weight having to consider every lesson that “should” be learned today. Some sources say this is the time to allow others to affirm our choices, and some say this day signifies us stepping into a portal of ascension. Even Spotify has created a wealth of playlists with nothing but high vibrational beats and feel-good tunes. I don’t fully understand a lot of this, and I’m not even sure if this is something that needs to be brought into my awareness. I know that I need to do the best I can with what I’ve got.
Call it seasonal depression. Say it’s the change in meds. Maybe it’s the job transitioning. I’ve had a hard go at it. Most days, I can’t get myself out of bed before noon. The motivation to be productive at home or at work doesn’t seem to be there. It feels like a collective effort by my mind and body to make me be the least productive person on the planet. Though I know that’s not true; my mind continues to make me feel low. How do you combat that? How do you fight with yourself to love yourself?
Self-love starts with awareness. I am aware that there are parts of myself that I’d like to change. However, I’d like to celebrate the parts of myself that I love.
Self-love is work. I’m not doing what I’d like to be doing right now, but I am working towards it. I am doing everything in my power to work toward being in a position that will make me happy. Every time I work for myself, I am proud of myself.
Self-love is getting help. Therapy. Psychiatry. Group sessions. Spending time with family. Catching up with friends. Communication. Going on dates with your partner. Going on dates with yourself.
If all else fails and social media becomes overwhelming, the articles don’t make sense, and you’re busy wondering why you don’t feel the way you “should” feel, read this. Know that I am right there with you. This is not a journey that gets you from point A to point B. Know that you are worthy of love from others, but most importantly, yourself. If it doesn’t feel like everything is aligned and you’re not gaining the clarity everyone else seems to be gaining on this day, know that you are where you need to be in this moment.
